So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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