There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
