just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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