I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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