How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she smelled like a LAN party
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
