sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
