i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
