We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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