I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
