I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
True strength comes from lack of pants
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
