So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
