I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
