I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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