Banned from zoo.
Again?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
