It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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