Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
