Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize