i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
