I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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