Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
