After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
