I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
