so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
