Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
