There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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