Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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