We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
