i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
