Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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