If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
