sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
