Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
and you fell through a lawn chair
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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