2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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