so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
