i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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