yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
