do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
