they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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