Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My vagina is officially offended.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
