watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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