Duck Duck Cougar?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
