I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
