gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
This is not my ceiling
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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