Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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