Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
