Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
