...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize