Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
