You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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