Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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