found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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