I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This is the high leading the old right now
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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