He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
