peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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