question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
