I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
