the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
