I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
