Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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