The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
