mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
