Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
How's work?
Spinning.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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