note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
