we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
