No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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