My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
